who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
