He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
