I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize