omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
