I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
