Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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