He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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