Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
