I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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