It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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