cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
