I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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