Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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