Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
