hotel room ftw
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
