i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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