Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
