how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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