Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
