i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
