so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
