Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
