you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
