just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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