I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
