So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
