just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
