I think I died a long time ago.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
