just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
