We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
