my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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