dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
