Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
