Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
