My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
