I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
