oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
