he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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