Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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