Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
