last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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