My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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