Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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