he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
