i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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