Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
