I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
