I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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