they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
