i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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