'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
we're so committed to being not committed
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
