i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
