I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize