I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
