I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
