babies were throwing up all over the place
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
