bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
