Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize