allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
