My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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