drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
