seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
