i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
