you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize