do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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