I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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