i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
