I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
