She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
