I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
