Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
